Steal To Eat

Don’t go hungry, steal to eat

shoplifting isn’t a police matter kept under fifty quid.

No really, no cops, you’ll just be banned from the store.

Still, try not to get caught,

that way you can go back for more.

And to those more fortunate than this; should you wish to be

a comrade, in this cost of living crisis, to those in such need

how exactly should you help? Well, -

the moment you see that awkward reach for the bag from a shelf,

immediately, right away find the nearest member of staff,

or if the shop has one, locate the security guard,

and if, for example, you’re in the fruit aisle,

walk up to them with a smile and ask

for something very specific all the way over in frozen.

Go with them to the other end of the store and ask questions

enquire about the items, and their contents go to debate the options.

If necessary ask what temp they keep their freezers at.

You get the idea, keep them distracted for as long as you can.

And don’t worry, crime is good for the community to remember,

which you lucky lot should want

that way your kids don’t have to rent forever.